Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
