I think I am morally bankrupt
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
