I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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