i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
