I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
