before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
