Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Blood and glitter go together right?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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