Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
