I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
I just saw a hot homeless man
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
FUCK WHALES
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