I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
Success! We fucked roommates!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
