How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Randomize
