Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
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