i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
