I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
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