if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
