i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
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