I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
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