Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
