I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
