it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
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