It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
