She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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