You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
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