Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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