I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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