Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Randomize
