Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
