nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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