You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
