i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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