i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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