and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When a guy wants to eat something off you and then comes back with microwaved strudel and custard, back the fuck out. I have apple-chunk burns on my tits.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
