Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Is it because I queefed?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
