haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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