Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
Randomize
