What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
