my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
