Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize
