you win again, gameday.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
