I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
