you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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