I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
he had hair everywhere except his balls
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
