the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
