I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
