you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
