Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
