I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
