I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
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