How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
