what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Randomize
