I just pynch a tree in the face
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
