i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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